Life is more than being alive

2005-03-13T18:54:00.000-08:00

hmm, interesting ...visison i gues, it wasnt a dream because i wasnt asleep yet, but rather i was in that state of mind where the only things that exist are your bed covers you, and the visions and thoughts that eventualy become your dream, and if they dont you realy have very little chance of remebering them.

well i rember one because it was exspetionaly odd, it was right as i was about to fall asleep for a nap. i could feel chelsea kissing my lips then slowly kissing my jaw line tword my ear, it was a tingaly good sensation but about halfway through i relised i had a gash from chin to ear that as she kissed along the gash it healed up, and the tingaling was from the healing, not from the pressure of her lips. at the time it was exeptionaly sothing and made me want chelsea to be on my couch with me so i could hug her as i fell asleep.

mildly intersting

2005-02-25T12:51:00.000-08:00

The Devils auction house: its too easy

Welcom’ welcom’ welcom’
I’d likes to thank you all for coming tonight
Shall we get started?
Let the bidding begin at
A lifetime of unwarranted success
One lifetime of unwarranted success
Can I get a guarantee for above moderate success?
Above Moderate success moderate success
Do I hear revenge?
Revenge once.
A cool billion
I hear a billion I hear a billion
Half a billion?
Half a billion half a billion
Common folks
Anything anything at all
What do we have what do we have?
10 million 10 million
I goda 10 I godda 10
5, 5, do I hear a flat mill?
A flat mill flat mill
One person wins here people
Half a mill goda half goda have
What can I get?
A successful small business?
Is that it folks?
Common common common
100,000? 100,000
100 thou is the bid folks
Who will stoop lower?
Who can I see who can I see?
Twenty FIVE thou
Folks we may have winner
Going once
Twice
15 thousand?
15 thou 15 though
Do I hear a 10? A 10?
10, 10’s the bid
15 minutes of fame?
15 minutes of fame is that it folks?
What can I get?
Goda 10 godda 10?
5!!
5 minutes of fame
Going once
Twice
BOUGHT!
For 5 minutes of fame
Thanks for coming in tonight folks
Remember, I’m heart every 3rd Sunday
So try your luck next time
All deals are final
And drive safe

2005-01-25T19:58:00.000-08:00

Maybe im back, maybe not.

2004-10-17T19:49:00.000-07:00

why do i think i can do this?
what makes me think syracuse is sme kind of saftey school? its the top communications school in the nation, and i play it off as a a place i might get some money. i think, bowdoin, bates, colby, carlton, macalester, oberlin, yea i can get in, but it the money thats the problem. god damnit, these are the same school jim or jake would/are apply/ing to, these are the same school the goddam validictorian of LHS is applying to. what shits and giggles idea farted on my brain to make me think this was possible. so i can think "deep" thoughts, so can anyone, propose an idea, and you can get most people thinkin, no biggie. my sat scores are good, ok... i can do algabra, and not choke or stumble. wow. and dont correct me, cuz now thinking about what i wrote i feel like im fishing for compliments or something. its not like im not gona apply to these schools, so dont worrie.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
i wont know what to say
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college is comming, and im so ready, and so very not at the same time. im set on far away, i think. i fill my lungs with new air, i wanna prove to myself i can survive
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i miss people
i miss my free time
today was a good day, i got chelsea flowers, and she liked them
im so screwed
dodgeball club got 270 signitures on a petition without even realy trying. lets see waht tomarrow brings.
i want a super power
i dont feel special right now.
i have kind of a cool idea for a new d&d charecter, but i have to think it out more
i dont like religion, im on the from line for the progressive alliance in the cultur war over america. ...those damn orthodox pink-os...
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my ego got inflated - the validictorian of LHS told me to stop applying to the same schools because she thought they would compare me and her and not accept her. complimenting yes... true? probly not so much. but still complimenting. comments like that prolly are the reason i think ill get accepted to carlton or bowdoin or UoC, i mean common, im taking the SAT II's, i must be awsome.

2004-09-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

in ability to listen to reason is a pet peve of mine

2004-09-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

It is a common philosophy that all things need a basis. Good is based on an opposing evil, and vice versa. Accomplishment is based on the lazy, and moral apathy is based on moral piety. But I've come to wonder if good relay can exist without evil. Useing evil as it is known now as the base, could we not slip into a "good" society with no remnince of evil. Good people, with good morals, accomplishing things to their potential. And instead of the mind set of "at least I'm better than him, or I should be better than that person at that" a shift tword the inner "I'm doing my best, and I know it" in fact would be the better way to go.

also a thought came into my head, if one is to willing sacrifice himself for others, then don't we need people will to sacrifice said person? In any example, 2 people express a difference of opinion on any situation. "who gets the last dounut" comes to mind. assuming both want the dounut, it would call on not just one person will to make the sacrifice of not getting the donut, but also from the other person willingness to take a donut from some they know also wants it. the question the comes to mind is, is this wrong of them? and the best anser i can come up with is no. for if both were equaly willing to give it up and equally not willing to take away something from a person, then the donut would go waisted. (and for hypothetical pourposes the donut can not be split) where the problem arises is when over and over again the same person subsides to the dominat and sacrificing tendancies of the other. but then again there is the question of who is at fault? the pushed or pusher, the sacrificed, or the sacrificer? is it the responsibility of a person to tap into themself to see they need to make some sacrifices, or is it within a persons right to finaly say, "ENOUGH, the next dounut is mine." in a moraly ideal society, both would be able to relize the need for someone to have the dounut but then relize that to be fair and equal, the next time an equaly trivial or equaly important matter occurs, the sacrificed and sacrificer should switch.

i htink it would realy smooth things out, alot

2004-09-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

i have recently been on the verge of tears quiteendlessly, but never rely breaking it. and the weirdest part is that its for no specific reason. a song suddenly start up, and i have this jouys need to cry, or a song so right in everything it says gives me the urge to cry, or some terribly sad song, or some terribly sad image. anything realy good, realy happy, or realy sad as made me feel as if i should be crying, i can feel it right behind and slightly under my eyes.

im not sure if i realy want to cry anyways, i mean, ive got this streak going and all.

2004-09-14T18:11:00.000-07:00

"do what you want. Be happy" - my dad

2004-09-14T18:07:00.000-07:00

its an amazment that still in this day and age, well after the invention of music and all its splendor, that anyone is capable of continual sadness.

2004-08-31T14:24:00.000-07:00

im shway judgemental i think.

i want to host a big old bash at my house after the game, i think i may do it after the game. that would be sweet, i wanted to do it befor the game, but other people got that going for them. so after the game is the new hope. night partays are cooler to.

so i realized i love when things are done in unison. i love when an entire mass of people can do something fun, all have fun, and agree on how it should be done, i dont think this has ever actualy happend to me, but i know its what i want. i want to do the ranger count down cheer and no one say "one!!" and enjoy the fact that we, as a group, where truly epic. i want to play a game and every one agree on the rules and every one is out to have fun rather than to win. i want people to admit when they're out, and when they get tagged. i want people to admit there faults and i want everyone els to accpet them moreso because of it. i want truth, truth truth and more truth, and if its a story, a lie, a fictisious working of the world, i want to be informed so i can enjoy it for it is. i want my aunt moe to stop lying to my grandparents about there health, and i want polititions that dont get all wraped up in politics. ive realized there is a moral perfection in my head. and i believe i shall work harder to fit into my own ideals.

ive had on and off headaches for 5 days now

more college info woooohoooo

ok so i realy wanna see a bunch of movies that are going to show at the cleveland institute of art, the 2 coolest looking ones where the one about and old man helping the new woman in town get along without getting sucked into the gossippy crazy lady clicks, and the other was about a prison and murder and riots and burning people alive and shit. they both looked realy cool. i think you can tell which one was the feel good story there.

i saw godzilla at the cleveland institute of art, it was sweet.the lack dubbing made it way better, and the audiance was great, they were laughing out loud and hooting and hollering when they kicked godzilla's ass and what not.
it left me with one question though, how did they ever have sequils, they like realy kicked godzillas ass, like hardcore realy. hes dead as dead gets while still having a bone structure.

im starting a dodgeball club at school. i hope its as sweet as i invission it. we shall see. im gona drop like 50 dollars on dodge balls. once i get the club started.

life is pretty confusing right now, it's kinda fun. work, 4 ap classes, the times, marching band, family obligations, social obligations, D&D, and about to start a new club.

talk about crazy go fun, with the exception of the headaches. and they're not even that bad, we will see how this works out once i add dodgeball club and ski club to the mix

2004-08-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

shit, thats an eye opener and a half, and a quarter. Tim, the nicest guy ive ever known, a genious that has been accepted to cornel, top notch athleet, took ap classes out his ass, studied hard, worked hard, and was a great guy and some one i actualy know (which is the biggest part), now has to deal with the fact a girl he doesnt truly want to be with had his baby.

it real, there good people who fucked up, it sucks, why couldnt they be crack hores or something so it doesnt feel so close to home...

the people who made the sats are smart folks... i just droped 76 dollars to register. i mean think about it, every college bound stutend in the nation (just about) has to drop 26 dollars AT LEAST once.

kenny and gigi are here im heading out

2004-08-08T22:58:00.000-07:00

You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by

2004-08-06T21:56:00.000-07:00

well i think i messed up, im not sure but, i think so.

2004-08-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

in 5 hours i leave to look for colleges, it will be 6 days befor i see a friend again. i olan to have fun, i plan to read alot. 6 days of looking at places i might spend the next 4 years. 6 tedious days of info about some of the 4 most important years of my life. 6 days deciding if i want to leave the state, or if i wanna stay close to my friends and loved ones. i think to myself. these six days are going to be horrible, my friends so far away, and nothing to do about it. then iw onder, if six days makes me cringe at the lack of friends, waht about months at a time for 4 years, and then possible the rest of my life away from them.

im taking my camera, im gona take pictures. im gona miss you guys.
i hope you guys have lots of fun.
i hope i have lots of fun.
i hope jim plays my charecter right.

see you all in 6 days. *hugs all around*

2004-07-26T20:33:00.000-07:00

lookie lookie a new post

im not sure if this will go anyware interesting, you have been warned

i love to beat box, i find myself quite proficiant at it, ask me to bust out a beat, it will probly be one of 3 i usualy bust out, but who knows, you might get lucky, and ill anjoy it either way.

the font that blogger is set to is interesting, its kinda flowy.

today was lame kinda, it started good and ended good. but the middle was not so good. i woke up and went to band practice late, being late sucked, i felt poopy because i was late. but then i had alot of fun, mild acceptance disorder going on in my head, but it ok, ill get over it. we have one song completly down and several in the making. woohoo. then it was off to ians. i thought tomyself, i should go to chelsea's, but naaa we are going to do that d&d thing and we've been trying so ill go to ians to get him. big mistake, kinda. i go to ians, chill with him thats pretty nice, then chris comes, we bust out some halo, thats pretty cool, ana cant do D&D stuff till 4 ish, then we go to her house and i go home to do chores, and ana finds she cant do stuff till late, then it gets decided we will do it later. grrr fuck, and then some. i didnt like this idea at all, but mostly uz i felt bad for not calling chelsea when i should have then alter relizing i could have spent the day with her, but im now relizing it was a pretty good day chilling with ian and chris, but calling chelsea would have been a good idea. so im at home i sit at home for quite an exstended period of time. finish my charecter for d&d. im in love with him. gotta pick his spells. then it was off to watch a movie, when herry meets sally. very very good movie. extreamly amusing. lovey dovey to boot.

then it was time to spoon with chris. then it was time to enjoy people lauhging. then home

laughing is just a very good thing im relizing for probly the umpteenth time. when your laughing something good is happening, when you laighing your enjoying your self, when every one is laughing, people are in a unified happy state, which is awsome, and when you hea laughing it a good sound. people laughing is so much different then there normal self, when some one laughs you almost never expect a specific laugh from a specific person. and as much as some people hate their own laughs, everyone loves laughing. unless there an evil anti-laugh S.W.A.T team from bermingham. i like laughter alot.

i havent been bringing my digital camera every where, i should change that. i like my camera.

"carbs are healthy for any person or persons who exersizes"
go america

i want to be a father some day. its a terrifying thought yet a wonderful, i will have full (or realy partial, because of Significant other, and society) responsobility for another human life. teaching it morals, and idea, and how to think, and how to question, and how to enjoy life and be free. i will be incharge of knowing whats best, and worring for someone, and all kinds of fatherly things. "you would be an embarising father, but an awsome grandpa" i can live with that, in fact it sounds like a plan.

i enjoy being the middle man of others happieness. =)

i think im off to write my charecters background. nighty night

2004-07-16T22:22:00.000-07:00

this is in responce to people who questioned the last statement of my last entry. about how there are times when you MUST discuss religion or politics in my opinion.

there are times when you need to soul search, when one needs to question whats inside, if you never talk religion you doom your self to an ignorant fate of what ever is stuffed down your neck, and there are time you need to discuss the governing world around you, because if you didnt, nothing would ever change. and persoanly i belive change away from ignorance, and truly finding what right for your soul is very important and that there are times in life when such discussions are nessicary

anyways the trip was awsome, new yourk was amazing, im questiong my passions in life, i wish i was decisive
ask me personaly for details

2004-07-10T21:19:00.000-07:00

the foundation is there, i think i realy need to start building

im leaving and i shant return soon. monday begins my adventure at 4am, huzza. were off to look at futures, lives, and comphort. jim and i are off to find a collage to expand our minds. i hope i can get accepted into one. im having all kinds of doubts... allllll kinds. i dont want to go to a shitty college, i dont want to just prepare to work away my life, i wanna go big or go home. i want to expand my mind, be forced to work and think harder than ever, i want to be surrounded by openminded people, and i want to do things i enjoy doing. i will not allow money to be a factor, i will be in debt for as long as i need, i will live of student loans and maybe onday be bankrupt and ruin my career, but ill have koledge, and who can realy put a price on that, ill be happy with the loved ones i surround myself, or ill be suyccesful and have the loved ones and the money to enjoy "high end" fun. but thats not even nessicary. life works, college will work, im going to die happy, mark my words

i want to get into film, i want to get into photography. im a good photographer i think, i hope, its fun, i could do that, im sure i could

i am (soon to be) gone, i love you people, all you people. live it up, smile, laugh

p.s. never listen to anyone who wont "talk religion or polotics" cuz sometimes, truly, those are all thats worth talking about. think hard, think deep, be complete

2004-07-03T21:42:00.001-07:00

obviously the bible proves itself

CHELSEA IS HOME!!!!!!!!
=) =) =) =)

bindels dance partay was of the hook! word

chelsea is home =)

the concert last night was amazing, here is a quick sumation

---Suburban legands
boy band ska band
hilarious
singer is from the used
trombonezilla
so very very fabulous, borderline gay
skanking
----lucky something or other
we sat for it, i didnt enjoy it to much
---catch 22
dorkiest bass player ever, i love him
dork bass, dork sax, ghetto fabulous fat trupeter, normal guy guitar, best combo
excessive moshing
couldnt dance
moshing was fun though
getting one good circle to work with ska kid
ska kid lost his hat =(
---Rx Bandits
AMAZING
"george bush and john kerry are the same person"
"dont vote, make a margerita"
"i dont know if you guys are having a good time getting punched and kicked in the head, dancing is cool and all, but i know we dont exactly have a good time when our fans our punching and kicking each other in the head."
i was kinda kicken some assholes ass
totaly relazing
drum solo to the max
floortom solo
almost spiritual
i starded this awsome full crowd clapping at this realy awsome part of a song and it sounded awsome
---Reel big fish
awsome enchor
"slayer is like bad mitalica"
*tumpet player walkes of stage pissed off*
screaming competition 80'S vs today
"we can agree to disagree"
*trumpet player flicks of lead singer*
"but i think we can all agree on one thing, i am totaly awsome"
this song is a love song... did i mention this song is about love?.. because it is.... about love
*rest of band goes to talk abouthow to play next song"
"i think we all need to find our inner self, see we take this time to think so we can find our inner self"
*trumpet player downs a 40*
attempting to balance a cigarette on his mic
anti moshing protest
spin the bottle
where did josh go
two chicks making out
big sweaty drunk guys
WATER I NEED WATER *this aplies to the entire concert*

i dont know if that all or not, make acorrectiosn and what not, add in comments

2004-06-30T22:27:00.001-07:00

eat my soul witha fucking fork

2004-06-30T22:05:00.000-07:00

ode to the blahs

you guys suck
dont give a flying fuck
get the hell away
only couch potatoes want you to stay
this summer is going to kick ass
i dont need your fucking sass
so fuck off blahs
ill beat the shit out of you

girls are girls are girls, yep

i hate searching for colleges, choosing the place that will teach you how to do waht you want to do when you dont knwo what you want to do is realy fucking tricky. i wanna go to college in North caroline, thad be fun, and its only like 9 hrs away, which is like great, cuz sure its a drive, but it possible in a day, but it makes me feel completly on my own

the end of today was horrible, worked was terrible, i thuroughly didnt enjoy it, i was anti social, didnt talk to any one but cosomers, all the costomers all have the same damn face in my memorie, except for this one snyde jack ass, but no one was fun or funny or nice, just indiferent to the people scooping their icecream, the scopers feeling the same level of indiferance, the day slugged on. i left first. my mom and sis came in for icecream, i felt special, then my mom came back to yell at me, woot. not yell, but be mad and question my abilities as a compitant handler of my own life. what not.

people went to the beach... i want to go to the beach, as much as i say id ont care, or try and convince my self i dont, i feel very much so that im missing out, but its one am and im suedo sad, so its fake, ill wake up at 9 like i hope tomarrow, jam go for a bike ride and the world should be fine. depending if i build up the energy to fight the blahs. and being that its their job to take your energy it could be tricky.

i slept till 3 today, what a waste

i hate sleeping, 1/3 of your life waisted dreaming rather than doing, lying still rather that acomplishing things. it just doesnt seem affective at all. but i need it to enjoy being awake, so i guess i will consede.

of to the shower, and some sleepyness, and missing chelsea, i need a girlfriend hug, there better than friendly hugs, cuz there hugs are free of inihibitons, there toung has danced with yours, youve spent hours in each others arms, so there is no reason to hold back in such a sumple thing as a hug, they just go, girlfriend hugs just happen, full, complete, reasuring, coumphy. i like hugs.

i have an effection for water
i love to drink it
i love rain
and swiming
i wish it would just rain, all the time, id get icecream

im going swimming tomarrow

2004-06-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

sanking at 11am, its an omin, today is the end of my blahs, huzza

2004-06-28T15:00:00.000-07:00

i just read a little quote along the like of "every creature on this earth dies alone" and it got me thinking, well my first responce was, well no not at all, people die to gether all the time, mass suicide, weapons of mass distruction, gas chambers, natural disasters, and what not. but then i got to thinking, waht if when you died, the people who died with in so much time, lets say 3 seconds, were the people youd chill with in heaven. like time sloted heavens to prevent over crowding. so the only way to be with your loved on in the after life is to kill her and commit suicide, or that ass hole of a taxi cab drive you just drove of a cliff with will the the only dude you chill with for eternity, not nessicarily only, but one of the few that died that moment.

hmm lost my philisophical moment, i think thats all i had to say

2004-06-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

i hope the day never comes when i am a grandpa and all the privledged youth has been brainwashed in to a conservitive state of mind. imagine the horror when you go to play war games with your grandson and he decides we should get the pourer kids to play war games for us.

"mom" a term used to describe your self when your right in a way that no one enjoys. now, mom's are not always right, but "mom" is not refering to mom's, its a referance to a responsible logic that most have but few listen to. its the logic that says maybe 90 on a 25 street probly isnt a good idea, that you have to work hard for good results, that you have to prioritize, that life isnt all shits and giggles. now we know mom's arnt always right, but even though we consider "mom" logical, you have to wonder how right she is to.

there is a collage that is 81 percent females and 19% males

2004-06-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

thoughts

ive oiled myself up, haha loved ones

commandment type shit

you can walk away now with purgitory, or you can risk it all for heaven... is THAT your final anser?

you know peter, that kid thinks to hard, on meanial shit too

the vastness of it all, space space more space, infinitly empty, im amazed we even conider ourself existant, not only in the big old picture are we nothing put less that a dust spek, but here on earth science says were 90% empty space, hallow dust speks, all of us

you know, you think you can get awya with all kinds of shit, god doesnt care about phisical right? as long as your spiritualy good, your set, you dont need to do church shit, he doesnt care, right? maybe, but id tend to differ, i would actualy think that the phisical is way more important that the spirtual, or mostlikly there even. god created the phisical, its existance is prof of itself, but he created and cares for it, and if you believe jesus is the son of god, and the bible is even slightly accurate that you must accept the fact that god cares about the phisical, because jesus did. and if you dont believe that roughly translated bullshit, that you have to accept that if god is so omiciant then the existance of phisicality must have some importance, and being that its so much of the world, it must have a huge importance. so for him/her/the essance to put it so bluntly in our face must mean it important, god doesnt piddle shit on crap, least id hope not.

cheer up

look up

faces bigger than people

the mind must be wider than the simple limitation of the skull

i dont have plans for the future, in fact im not sure if i care

2004-06-19T21:57:00.000-07:00

wishy washy goes the fishy Faushy

2004-06-19T20:52:00.000-07:00

***
look at those kids, look at them peter, there all so fucking right, everyone one of them. it's gona be a swift kick in the ass when see me.

"the bodies which move in this space are so few and so small in comparison with the space itself that even if every one of them were known to be crowded as full as it could hold with perfectly happy creatures, it would still be difficult to believe that life and happiness were more than a byprodyct to the power that made the universe." - C.S. Lewis from his athiest days

that one right there, see him, of coarse you do, just note, so different from him self, such confliction, and he knows it, its almost sad, more diluted than anything, i gave him such potential too

he could still use it ya know

i do, and so does he
***
*******

the grass snaps under his brown booted feet. he removes his hood revealing 2 brandings on his bald white small skull. he looks up at the trees which tower over his 3 feet in hight as he ruffles his pouches for his map. with a quick glance to his map, a quick check for some moss, and a confidant look around he thinks to himself "this is the spot" *roles a wisdom check, passes to disbelieve illusion* more thought whip through his mind "is this the spot" he begins to utter something, the word starts in his head and grow louder to a whisper and then to a shout, he says excuse me, but it mearly sounds like "suse me" no response "no, excuse me is not right, look here i demand the attention of all who care for this world" no response "hail people of fengladad, gnomish kingdome of the trees, i am Feldal, gnomish warrior and diplomatic representative of the Elven court" as the sentance ends he begins to hold up his brotch, a guarentie he is who he is, but to those around him, nothing more than a good possibility. louder now "if your scouts are not deff dumb and blind im sure you are currently aware of the ever growing threat to your people, to all people" "we are aware" a responece a voice from no specific direction besided in the trees, he knows he is in the right spot now. "then you will let me talk to your king?" no responce. "fine this is information all should hear anyways. The humans have formed under the flag of the sun, they have unified and become a military force. there power is going unchecked, the last free mixed city has fallen." "so it has" a long un easy pause... "SO IT HAS?!?!" says the gnome at the top of its lungs "the last allience of races fell in a valient effort to have one sole place to live free, and all you have to say is 'so it has'? i am discusted, but no matter. it has fallen, and with it the power of the any enemy of the enemy" "we stand strong" "YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FOUND, your illusinary tricks work on me, a warrior trained in fighting, not magic, it will not hold to the power of arcane master fulled by the only god still living. but your magic is strong, there is no doubt of that, thats why i have come her to humble ask.." "humble?!!? HAH!" "i have come here to ask of your people to aid in the fight." "we stand strong" "yes yes but for how long? and even so, we are faltering, the elves.. "The elves hid in the woods, sending grunts like you to places they fear" "HID IN THE WOODS?!?! what do consider your current actions!" no responce "you must understand, they do not hid, they like you are trying to survive" "there deffences have faltered" "THEY SUFFER THE FULL BRUNT OF THE ENEMY, and yes that is why i have been sent, we need your aid. you, the gnomish empire, are renound for military illusionary stratigies beyond understanding, and your mercinary teams are unmatched, we ask that you join our alliance to fight the humans" "and who';s banner will we serve" responds the voice in a snyde tone "NONE you will serve none, we ask for no service, the elvan court ask for an equal allince off all good races, gnomes, elvs, dwarfs, and what is left of the untainted humans" "and if we refuse?" "the world will die" "i hardly believe.. " "THEN YOU ARE WRONG, there is a force, a force beyond your scope, behind these men of the sun, have you tried to heal? notice any failures latly, it is because your god has fallen" "BLASTFIMY" "TRUTH!! your gods, the dwarven gods, the elven gods, have fallen to a force beyond us, and that force is a power that fuels the humans. no one nation can with stand this, and no uncompleted allince with last longer than a year. your people, your magic, your skills, are all needed, if you must have a banner, we will be called the Free peoples of (insert jims name for his world here)an equal alliance of all good races, as i have said befor" "so you ask us to serve" "LOOK!!! i need an anser time is the ali of the enemy, i have come in the hopes of collecting all the enemys of the enemy into one unified force, either accept otherwise tell me i have waisted precious time getting here, and precious air talking" no responce "HEAR ME! if you care enough about your children, or your childrens children, to want them to live free of opression, you will head my calling. this is not questionable, it is a fact, if we fail to ally now, all will perish, and the world, if not dead, will be dead to all who truly love it. but i obviously waste my time, i will go and die with honor, you where given your chance!" feldal turns and as he does a new world is unvailed befor his eyes, a city in the trees, all about him for miles in every direction beautiful and unspoiled. as this world dawns on the gnome the voice chimes in, froma much more distinct location and with the utmost sympathy in his voice "wait.... we have much to talk about"

least thats a cool way it could happen
**************
*******
he looks like he might burst soon, the one over there. he hasnt talked to anyone in weeks, his mouth has moved and words came out sure, but he hasnt talked. he had better take care of that

*******
*****

brute ignorance, a power beyond scope

*****
*******

thats my shpeal

*******

2004-06-16T21:43:00.000-07:00

something that makes you smile is something that pleases you. so it is cauzing a chemical reaction in your brain to cause pleasure. like a very weak and small orgasm.

keep that in mind

ok so when you sneeze most extreamities and bodily organs, except your genitailia and a few select others, react the same way as they would during an orgasm

soooo

look at something amusing, toss some pepper up your nose, and its like masturbating without the work

2004-06-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

last night was a bit of a role reversal, usualy it jim saying no one is special, and me saying everyone was special, but last night it was him saying he is special and me telling why he not. he was right though

i am off till sunday or monday, my choice, i dont know what ill chose, it seems very pretty out there, my parents say deer are everywhere, like they got like 15 away from one, thats like amazing.

i hope to do some quality thinking at the cabin and in the woods, but i have a sneaking suspision that i wont, not that i wont think, just probly not quality. possibly maybe hopfully.

i cant decide if i like tolkien writing style in these stories, as you read them you like this is daunting, but when your done the memorie of the storie is bitchen, so im at a confused loss

dream dream, waht a dream, i was fighting epic battles in and under the streets of los angles ninja turtle stylie, i was epicly involved in the fate of the charmed tv show universe, i almost had sex with some chick, but didnt. then i fought keith in front of lakewood high, then i was assailed by 3 black men during which i exclaimed "im WHITE" which i later explaind to jim *still in the dream* that it was suposed to be "im crazy!!" as to intimidate them, cuz no one likes to fight a crazy person

2004-05-31T13:21:00.000-07:00

J	Juicy
O	Organic
S	Shy
H	Hot

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

2004-05-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

we have it all backwards, this hole silly exsistance of the american people is fucked up hardcore. we work away our prime, the human body has almost no limits to what it can do in it 20's-40's but rather than seek out or capabilities, enjoylife, and live. we work, we work and work and work, so when were old and can no longer enjoy our bodies power and beauty we can have "fun" we can retire and do nothing. its absurd. truly, in every sence of the term illogical, that padern fits.

and its not just society and the work design that stupid as shit either. people in their prime of existance watch tv, avoid the stairs, relax thier days away on the couch. it makes no sence, we buy new High definition tv's so things seem more real, when all we have to do is get up and look around to see the highest definition vision there is, reality. one day your knees will give out, and you wont be able to play sports or get around with assistance of some sort and sports will be no longer and option. so then you should watch them if ya want. but not anytime before then, in old age when you body is failing is when yiu should enjoy lazyness, when you body can only be lazy, then you should embrace it. when your body can be active and alive and living, then you should embrace that. do so much activity, and so much with you life, that when you are old and can only watch tv, your not thinking about what you should have done when you were young, but rather how good it feels to just watch the new youth enjoy there bodies.

imagine it, a whole world of people living to their phisical and mental potential. using their waking moments to better them selfs in every way possible. running, thinking, creating, enjoying every moment. the only time they waste is time spent sleeping, and taking naps, but those would only be to make you sharper and more ready for your time to be enjoying this world and discovering all you can.

well enough mindless bable from someone who can only think they way things should be.

2004-05-21T20:12:00.000-07:00

tonight was AWSOME! so much fun, loved it.

my apologies for bitching so hard core about you guys enjoying sitting in the back, your opinion is not up for my judging

but the fronts way cooler =)

so yea it rocked so hard, and joe gray and chris kicked so much ass that my butt was sore. and it was just funtastic.

dance dance dance

go gadget go.

2004-05-17T19:55:00.000-07:00

can you be more yourself? like people say "i cant be myself around certain people" and such like that, but can you ever not be yourself, arnt you you? and arnt you just your reactions to your surrounding. so how can you ever not be yourself? sure you can be something you dont like, but who are you to say that thats not you, my uncle hates the fact he has trouble holding conversations since his head wound, but it doesnt make anyless a part of who he is now. im curious because most people, myself included, are totaly different around certain people. well my problem i believe is im different when im alone, when im am secluded from those of whom i call my friends, or at least deam my assosiates, im a different guy, in some aspects, im more out going, i think cooler, deeper thoughts, i think epic speaches(or at least try), i argue politics with myself, im free to sing to myself, and i beat box, yes yes i beat box and hum all the time, but nothing like when im walking the streets alone, or riding my bike. so is that me, or is my slightly more conservitive form of me, my "around friends" me, me? or is it true that there both me, there both my reactions to a given situation which is what makes me different, which is what makes me me. but i cant help to think that one is... well.. more me than the other.

who knows, right now im working on making them on and the same. the goal is to be more like the lone me around friends and aquantances.

2004-05-17T19:51:00.000-07:00

Who's Your Movie Sidekick? Find out @ She's Crafty

2004-05-12T04:06:00.000-07:00

so totaly, bread is realy tasty

chelsea came over yesterday,that was realy cool, its realy nice outside,

my power went out and i did homework by candle light.

my apologies on my blog, it is very lacking, ill post something cool some time soon, possibly

2004-05-12T04:05:00.000-07:00

Waterfall

?? Which Natural Wonder Or Disaster Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-07T21:15:00.000-07:00

ok so tonight was a wonderfull night of chilling with people and talking/cuddling with chelsea, then i had to go and fuck up my mood by thing about stupid as doc hanson and fucking me over with her retarted out look that makes her somehow think that quartrly grades are super important, but when you have all a's and only one chance to get an h' that h will not give you an h for the year, and now normaly i would be just fine with my A, but i was realy counting on an H in that class to raise my way to low, cummilitive gpa, maybe id be less pissed if she didnt lead us to belive we could get an h or if she wasnt an idiot. anyways happy thoughts, tonight was an awsome night and i promised chelsea i wouldnt go to sleep frustrated, so here are the highlights of the night

seeing ana and jim cuddle, there so damn cute, seeing my best friend with such a cool girl is a cool sight to see, it warms me.

ana's almost emotional break down was scarry

i felt bad for not being right where chelsea expected me, but im over that cuz we had alot of fun

then the cookie dough part of my icecream was good, the peanutbutter swirl was not so good

then of to erics for some good cuddly cozyness =)

ok im in abetter mood now =)

2004-05-06T19:20:00.000-07:00

went and saw chelseas jive, i got my grove on, me and some guys dancing in the back nearly threw off the choir because i guess we were making them giggle. it was cool the hole thing sounded perdy, and chelsea was perdy, and i got big ol' hugs from peeps. and little ol' hug from chelsea, well no it was big, but she was little, hehe, just joshin'. well im off to bed

2004-05-03T19:35:00.000-07:00

chelsea came over today, it was like the cherry on a sunday, today was realy sweet and and she came over and it was like, yea, awsome. well im off to bed, just thought id tell ya peeps im feeling good

2004-04-28T19:26:00.000-07:00

tomarrow is a new day
then and only then
this indisicive haze will fade away
so of to bed i go
what i might dream
only god might know

2004-04-28T19:21:00.000-07:00

hehe i got lipstick on my girlfriend, tehe

2004-04-28T19:17:00.000-07:00

so ok time for an update, i need ajob, im going job hunting this saturday, opening night of the play, i relized im not close with anyone but harrison in the play, and thats cool, but like i wanna get to know george and sophie and like everyone better, but its to late now so yea. i wanna be a cool singer, but im sure ill be average at best, but its ok, singing is cool, so ill just jive on that churkey. hehe im chaggin 99% of the class, woot.

2004-04-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

2004-04-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

what was the most painful thing ever said to you?
"way to be a panzy" or "suck it up real men dont cry" or "are you even gona do somthing with your life?" or any attack of my integraty made by my parents, they always realy hurt alot.

how many of your friends actually fit in a category you percieve to be the ideal friends?
umm i dont have a definition for an ideal friend, if your not someone i care to talk to, i avoid the shit outa you. umm if i think about it and be realy strikt about it, jim would be the only one because i feel more comfortable telling him things than i do anyone els. i should realy open up to others, but who knows

why are someones eyes so stare-worthy? Charles Darwin once said "To suppose that the eye could have been formed by natural selection, seems, I freely confess, absurd in the highest degree." if anything about the human race can be considered the most beautiful its the eye. some eyes are more starable because if anyhting is in direct conection to the soul its the eye, and everyone wants to see souls. did you know the pupil will get al big even if its bright out if its looking at something/someone it loves, i think we are looking for someones pupil to get big just for us

who do you see in a mirror? i see a hansom boy, charming and easy to look at, and a pretty smile, a tad to harry, and could shape up a bit if he tried. i see someone with alot of unused potential. everytime i look in the mirror im reminded what i look like, i honestly forget. i look in the mirror and see someone who knows me, i argue with my mirror sometimes.i share my ideas to it outloud, my mirror imagie is my test audiance, i have a pretty classic sence of whats funny, usualy intune with the public, so if it works on myself, it has a good chance. sometimes i look and ask if this is what other people see. i aslo look and see a human specimin to examin, one that knows exactly waht i want it to do, if i wanna see some pose, or some facial expression on a person but cant describe it, i look in a mirror and make it happen. i wonder how accurate my mirror is.

what was the most painful thing you ever had to say to someone else? telling anyone i care about that things between us cant be the same after today.

do you ever wish you could go back and change one little thing that you have done, just to see how it would have affected everything else? if you could, what would you change, and how do you think it would affect things? there are thousands of little things to change, to be honsest if were looking little i would change any of them to see if a butterfly effect would happen, like it make s huges differences, it would just be for enjoyment though.

what is your philosophy of life?
wow toughy. my philosophy is to live life, do somehting, anything, and experiance it, everything is beautiful in its own way, sometime we just dont have to scope to see its prettyness, everything will work out, i am an optimistic realist, if you dont think that possible then i would just be an optimist to you. live life and take chances, get in trouble, get dirty, get hurt, do something vain, be deep, and never forget, if there is a god, he created spirituality AND phisical shit, so dont think he doenst want you to enjoy his creation as a hole, explore every aspect, dont ever think one thought procces is right, dont ever thing one philosophy is dead on, idolize something for a bit, just to experiance the emotion that god worked hard on, hate some one, love some one, get jelous, get pissed off, have an orgazm, go to a funeral, watch the sun set, watchg it rise, eat a hamburgure, try a veggie burger, fast for 2 days, go for a bike ride, get in a fight, hug someone you know, hug a stranger, do it all. or at least go down trying.

2004-04-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

ask me any 3 questions, well any amount realy, but ask me anything and i will make my next post of ansers to those questions

2004-04-20T19:23:00.001-07:00

which is better
giving info to keep people informed and risking natinol security
or withholding info to the public for there own protection

if you were to die right now and god said that you can tie your fate with any single friends fate, meaning you will be rewarded for there actions in life, or you will be punished for their actions in life, just as they would, which friend would you choose to tie your fate to?

you have 10 seconds to do anything, morals and time and phisics do not restrict you, there will be no repurcutions after this time is up, the only restriction you have is the actual 10 seconds, no freezing time either, what do you do?

and please feel free to anser these

2004-04-20T19:23:00.000-07:00

so yesterday was cool, i went to chelsea's that was awsome, im not smooth at all, it was fun i was an hour late, i told my mom i feel asleep on a bench in the valley, it worked, i feel kinda bad, today was an alright day. tomarrow its off to kent, woot woot

2004-04-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

which is better
giving info to keep people informed and risking natinol security
or withholding info to the public for there own pertection

if you were to die right now and god said that you cna tie your fate with any single friends fate, meaning you will be rewarded as for there actions in life, or you will be punished for their actions in life, which friend would you choose to tie your fate to?

you have 10 seconds to do anything, morals and time and phisics do not restrict you, there will be no repurcutions after this time is up, the only restriction you have is the actual 10 seconds, no freezing time either, what do you do?

2004-04-19T15:24:00.000-07:00

my apologies for attention mongering with suedo depressed comments, feel free to ignore, i am drained currently

sunchine, puppies and little kids laughter.

2004-04-19T15:17:00.000-07:00

today was a very draining day, school sucks, alot. it dragged and dragged, and i have to memorize so many lines for this damn inschool play, i hate it, but i was to lame to say no to taking on such a responsibility, way to be a pushover josh, as usual. so then it was off to warm up with track, we came in last at ranger relays so coach t was pissed off and made up a work out that was hard as shit, luckily i was off to play practice. so i rode, the wind spited me, but i got there, i got this awsome suit with these awsome pants, verticly striped, it so damn cool i cant stand it. i got to see chelsea for a we bit, i was mildly out of it, and still am. hehe she's my girlfriend, thats so cool. i wanna call her, but she has like crazy amount of homework so maybe shell pop online or ill just decide to interupt her homework, who knows.

my nose hurts

i have to make food for my family soon

my mom thinks im going to fail in life, it sucks that i feel that i cant deny this accusation full hardely.

i need to get of my ass and get a job, so i can go to school to get a job.

cinimatogrophy looks like another option to put on my list of things i wanna do with my life.

my nails have to come off soon =(

2004-04-18T19:56:00.000-07:00

sweetdreams

i asked chelsea out yesterday, that was terribly hard, im so bad at speaking, but it was all good. i guess my stuggle to speak in sed situations is cute, so woohoo. i think she got in trouble for sitting outside with me till midnight, my bad. then i rode home in 14 minets, it was cool.

2004-04-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

well over 2/3rd of my dad's life is spent sleeping/working at a job he doesnt realy enjoy. i realy dont want that to happen to me.

2004-04-18T17:35:00.000-07:00

so im procrastonating

so i told a few people of this idea, but id thought id post it for lack of anything but
"i did this today and you already know it"

so imagine this
space and infinity, endless, seamless, stars and planets and quazars. eddies, black holes and aliens if ya want to. endless. as far as you go in one direction you still have an infinate distance to cover befor the end. now imagine how cool it would be if there was body of water this big. infinite, for every planet there is an island or volcano, instead of aliens there are speacieas that lived and evolved completly seprate of you so they are totaly different, seamless transfres beteen harsh storms and calm waters. some area are inhabitable because of the toxic levels, or because of unecxplainable endless sstorms. as far as you can go up into space, you can go outward on this body of water. it would be so fucking cool.

math homework, gah, gotta do it, dont want to at all, but i rely realy should. and thus i shall

2004-04-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

another grand old day to check of on the list. woke up helped paint my awsome new kitchen, well the onlything thats new is the color/design, but ask chelsea, its cool. then it was off to chelsea's to go for a bike ride. her mom was a musing "do you need a water bottle?, got the phone?" more questions i cant think of but it seemed like she wasnt comming back, trust me. so then it was off to cleveland, well someways down cliftan atleast, then my bike exploded, well poped, but it was loud, and a bitch. so then we ended up walking to my house,a dn getting a new bike, the little one, that became quite the bitch. then it wqas off to clevland

highlights - mentaly disabled person asking chelsea as we rode by "can i be your boyfriend", chelsea saying "i feel like im gona get raped" giant egal pay yourself machinie thingy, 4 strobery shortcake icecream bars, chelseas helmet.

then it was off to chelsea, i took a nap, it was quite peacefull. then the night happend, you were all there, and it was nighting, i ate a hotdog for dinner, because half a pringles can, 8 cookies, and 2 pizza roles wasnt quite substancial.

well that wasnt so bad, infact i was grand

2004-04-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

today was fantastic, wakeup go to lunch with ym mom and sis, it was TASTY, chicken pizza, but instead of pizza sauce, it was BBQ sauce, it was WONDERFUL, and i saw my sisters work, and she works with mildly cxrazy people, and there hilarious. then it was home to walk to chelseas. nice walk, the sun got to me, got to chelseas, jaimie was there, i was realy quite, i guess i seemed bored, but i was just quite. so i chilled there, chris and josh eventauly showed up it was funtastic. then people went off, i stayed for dinner, again, i think im begining to intrude, least i feel like it, we chilled on her couch watched funny tv, becker and darma and gredge and what not. some of the baseball game. then it was off to ana's cuz thats where we heard people were, but we met up with jaimie and bam, it was off to the park, hoodiehoo. so chillin at the park was fun, swings n things, chillen on the rocks, talked to chelsea about the world im making in my head and on paper soon, and about the adventures i want to have this summer, people thought we were making out, but nope, then the guard guy came and we cam up and he didnt see us till we where at the top and he was like "whoa i didnt see ya, good job" i felt special.

jordan is the man

"i would like some courage" - probably a quote by lion

i realy wanna win the lottery.

time to write down ideas

2004-04-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

maybe im in to much of a hurry

2004-04-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

i had a dream, it was cool, but it lame when i tell it, so ill give ya the highlights, 2 little girls casing me down on their little pink bikes, absolutly terrifying, then being in St joes in a bath towel. oh and i eventualy kicked darthvaders ass because he was trying to kill my daddy, and then he tried to kill chelsea, so i went ape on his ass. but then i couldt realy kill him, so i melted this vodo doll of him and he melted

so i fell in love with university of chicago, but i doubt i could ever go, even if i would get accepted, we cant afford shit like that. 41k a year for this years prices, id need 20k in scholorships alone to bring it into the price rang my parents wanted befor scholorships.

chicago was a blast, no night time adventures, so sad, but i had fun, the mac store was cool, i got a book called feng shui, its a very cool roleplaying game,i took alot of pictures, we went to the edge of the lake, we visited northwesters, lame, then university of chicago, very cool. i got sick on the ride home, i felt bad to make them pull into a rest stop when no one els needed to. but i felt like i was gona implode or somthing. the rowells are a realy cool family. terribly nice and accomidating, sibling rivelrys all the time, but its not horrible. there just fun.

im still 3 pages away from the end of The two towers, i have been for 2 days, it amuses me. shelob got her bitchass owned

my mind has been wandering making all kinds of stories and plot twist for life, as of late i keep seeing myself as the big hero, i wanna take a shot for someone, i wanna save someones life. i keept seeing imaginary snipers everywhere and me throwingmyslef in the way just in the nick of time. a little kid was playing close to the edge of the pier, i imagined the hole scene, he falls in, i jump in wile people panic, i save the day, a cool story to tell. in the car ride home, more than once, someone would pass with a gun pointed at jim or maggie, and i would take the shot, and survive in the hospital against all odds. right now someone just busted in my house and i kicked his ass, he had a knife, i probly got stabed, but im a hero.

my minds been doing alot of wandering, i see all kinds of possibilities, i plan things im going to do, and i plan things i should have done, things i should have said, how much life would be different if i had jsut said them, or had the guts to do these awsome ideas. im outa the loop on some info, so i have all these wonderful, or horrible, stories of others lifes in my head, jim and ana have there own little storie in my head, and jordan does to, he tied in with chelsea in one sub plot, and chelsea and jaimie out in Ky have there own thing going, josh and chris too, everyone has there own secret life that they dont tell me about, wether they do or dont, my minds been on "run rampid". im gonna get me some guts on of these days, realy i will. i have these social guts, and adventerous guts. but i dont have the guts to be intamate with anyone, ive been having this huge problem with being close to anyone i know, like i can be close phisicaly, but i dont tell people waht i wanna say, i dont express my feelings at all, which has always been a big problem. i need intamacy guts. i want to be able to give someone my heart, anyone realy, and not fearanyhting they might do with it, just open up to everyone. but there is the little problem of opening up to myself, my erlier comment on being a wishy washy agnostic with no solid beliefe doenst end with religion, i dont even know what id open up about myself, cuz im so damn unsure about what i feel, how can i express feelings im not even sure im having, bleh.

i was very complimented by the rowells when they were telling me they were all happy about how i did well as peace maker, and then im easy to get along with and that im invited to travel with them anytime. it was touching.

sleeping children is a quaint sight

2004-04-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

so i had this realy awsome dream last night but i dont remeber its order fo event, but il try

so i walk chelsea to her locker in lakewood high, but i have to go to a meating of somesort, i kiss her good buy, this is exceptional because i felt it, like i can remeber feeling this dream kiss, and i dont ever remeber phisical feelings, so that astounded me when i woke up, it was very real. then i was off to this meeting, ana was in the club and we were chatting. it turns out were all ghosts, and this is a ghost only club, nothing specific going on, but it is only ghosts. then suddenly we find out the school is under attack, an anti ghost team was here to take us down. and an anti ghost mob had formed outside. we ran from our attackers, but they had all kinds of technology.

i cant properly describe the feeling of this dream, everything was terribly epic. me and ana wandered into some room and found a blue jem on the wall, it turns out this jem puts ghost to sleep, we began to fall asleep, the worst part was that it made you forget you were in danger, ana passed out and i was in lala land and almost asleep when a a classic white ghetto dude came in, short blong hair, wife beater on, and began to pick ana up, i dont know how but i knew he wanted to rape her, and it snaped me awake, i hureled myself at the man but went right trhough him, he droped her and laughed, this woker her, but the power of the jem was still around and i was fighting off sleep with all my might, i yelled at the top of my lungs "RUN ANA RUN" and she barly got it, but cralled outa the room. then i also ran.
this was getting outa of hand i thought tomyself. so idecided to run out to the L-room, where i knew that the anti ghosts where gathered, i was in invisble ghost mode, and then manifested myself amongst them and shouted "this is crazy" peopel backed away in fear. I reashured them something along the lines of the facts that i wasnt here to hurt them, ghost arnt here to hurt people, were just here.

now if you can imagine robin hood when the kids all slowly gather around to touch robert williams face and stuff, thats when the next part was, they slowly aproched, and found i wasnt realy here to hurt them, i felt like a hero.

quick scene change. there is a guy and his son playign baseball, the dad is pitching, and sometime im the son, and sometimes im just watching. the son is decent but nothing special, but he wors and works, and the evolution of his skill is very movie esk, you see him in 5 year jumbs, and his swing is improved, he looks more mature every time and stuff. there is never any diolog. the last scene i saw was the son going of on a white train to try out for the majors. and it was one of those things where you already knew he made it. and the hole thing had such a sentimental feeling it was amazing

2004-04-11T13:08:00.000-07:00

ok so today i was thinking about what would make me cry, just cuz it crossed my mind that its realy hard for me to cry, and i realy dont like ever, with the exception of maybe one drop or 2 within a few years, so i was thinking about waht would make me cry, and i started picturing my friends funerals, not like when there old, but some how came to a tragic death, i know i know morbid, but this isnt the focus. the focus is that images of epopel laying in there coffin, open casket style were flashing through my mind, and everyone had that classic nutral face that funerals give them, except when i pictured jim, the fucker had a smerk on his face. it amused my to so much that i burst our laughing, my mom was in the car driving and turned and said "wahts so funny" now i couldnt tell her the story so i thought of a mitch headberg joke, and the car ride continued smoothly. so then i began to think, what made jim smerk, because it obviously had to be something big, they put alot of makeup and glue and shit on ya to make ya look nuetral, then i relized that what would make jim smirk in his grave is that he was very right about something, something after life, and he couldnt help but chuckle. then i thought about how that was a lot of thought for an image that lasted for maybe 2 second in my own mind.

2004-04-11T13:03:00.000-07:00

wow today was better so far than expected, my family exstended style is being cool, and my uncle brought his girls friend who is cool, and it amuses me to see my grandparents get tense at the sight of her, since she is black, silly grandparents. she is realy nice and freindly though. so it all fun and dandy. i sitll dont like ou family get togethers though, because we can never talk about anything that has substinance, its always boring stuff about how there dog is lame. we cant talck about polotics, or religion, or even opinions of whats going on in the world, there all "touchy" subjects. eh but at least there is a new face at the table

2004-04-10T21:33:00.000-07:00

WORK DAMNIT

2004-04-10T20:13:00.000-07:00

things i want to happen to me that i survive through befor i die

being shot
having at least a fingure severed and put back on
getting the shit beat outa me
getting in a realy good fight
medical operation of some sort
car accident
falling from some great height

and something els maybe

2004-04-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

i saw chelsea and jaimie one more time befor they left, it was nice.m im gona miss em. chicago soon woohoo

i hate easter, a time for my mom to stress out about cleaning, and preperation for a bunch of family memebers that will only leave my mom pissed off. and me getting yelled at for her post easter stress, and her after eater anger. woot

2004-04-10T15:03:00.000-07:00

i feel special

2004-04-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

nearing the bottom of an emotional downward spiral is not a good time to be posting in a blog, nor is it a good time to try and do homework, happy thoughts and happy music.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY YAAAAAAAAAAA

2004-04-07T17:24:00.000-07:00

i wanna have a beliefe gahhh. a solid beliefe in anything. i like to think im an agnost and that i truly believe that i accept we cant know the end. but i dont even truly believe that, i just kinda believe a bunch of stuff, and at different times to, sometimes im like maybe fate, sometimes im like go god, sometimes im like woot logic, and sometimes im like holla back human spirit. a wishywashy wannabe agnostic to quote myself.

i guess the only thing i think im pretty sure i truly believe in is hope "there is still hope" to quote gandalf
and the fact that everything is so damn beautiful, nature, mans creations, people, animals, love, hapieness, pain, death, sadness. its all so beautiful in its own way i gues maybe that is my belief, to the end i dont think i will ever be able to deny the fact that this existance is a wonderful wonderful thing.

i was reading jims forum and jim and those 2 river girls have such beutiful minds

2004-04-07T16:50:00.000-07:00

i post to impress, i fail

so today was pretty good, i had alot of fun at play practice. i realy wanted to talk to chelsea today, but i was all tuckered out from my bikeride, annd she was leaving so i got a classic hi how are you conversation in. so at play practice i nailed the second act, and failed pretty bad at the third act, but im working on it. no more play practice till the 18th woohoo. we had pizza today it was realy tasty, i talked to the stage maneger a bunch, she is realy cool, i am her gay friend now. i wanna make larry gay, but miss teacup would flip.

so i have been emotionaly funky over the past few days. up and down. hyper and sleepy, sometimes within minets and not realy for any reasons.

so jaimie and chelsea are leaving for 6-7 days. ill be gone for 3 of them, so its only like 3-4 days kinda sorta or somthing. im gona miss them a hole lot. i hope they have superb amounts of fun just like me and jimmy are gona have at chicago, woot. what are ana chris ian and jordan ever to do? orgy is what im thinking, but who knows.

we had a WW2 survivor come in todday. he was realy cool, such a love for life. bad story teller, but great stories, so i listned for the facts, and retold them to myself in my head. it was realy cool, its so hard to believe it was just 60 years ago.

i munch to much. time to stop.

i hope we did well in our first track meet

2004-04-06T16:11:00.000-07:00

play rehersal was fun, my cde player and the music it alows me to travel with is amazing, i love it so much. play practice was good today, at least i had fun, i knew my lines, as did everyone els, me and harrison chatted it up.

chelsea was in auditions for the 1337 choir.i tried to stick around to find out how the hole shpeal went for chelsea and sophie, so i did my math i was on a role wityh my math anyways, then i sat outside and enjoyed the weather, then i left because i was beging to feel very silly.

no track what so ever tomarrow. woohoo

i have to try and make it to joes by 300, lol, i told her 330, but i dont even know if i can make that. i missed 2 lines today.

i got a d- on a test today, it sucked realy realy hard, cuz i was taking the test yester day, and i knew i didnt get everything but i was like "this is b material, definantly" and i was pretty proud of it cuz it was a hard section, but it was obviously harder than i thought, bucking d-, bleh, i felt like shit for like and hour.

my little speakers suck, but its a ok. ill figure it out somehow maybe.

i havent had a real conversation today, not even with myself

2004-04-04T19:03:00.000-07:00

let me begin with the begining, i was born, lots of blood and screaming, sighs of reliefe when i poped on out, ugle little thing to all eye's with the exception of my mother, who, along with all mothers, adore there hard work in their arms. the opther exception possibly being the doctor who sences have been dulled to the event that is all to common for him. so i was born, then a year of screaming, pooping, pointing, and the occasional cute smile.
happy bithday to me
then another year of screaming pooping and pointing, with the adition of motion and attempted words.
happy birthday to me
repeat but with more motion, more attempts at words, equal amounts of pooping and such
happy bithday to me
im 3, halfway through this year is when i have my first full memorie, well maybe i was for, or 5, anywhich way, it the only memorie i have from this mixed time and its my first adventure. i hope no one ever forgets their frist adventure, and i hope i dont forget this one. it was a sunny summerday, sometime in the summer, which month or any thing specific at all i couldt hope to recall.
my mom is having a pta meeting, and i might explain that her meeting are held in the kitchen, and that the kitchen is in the back of the house, and that i am in the living room, which is at the fron of the house. more key points might be that all the windows and doors are open, and only screens are in all of them, to keep the bugs out of coarse.
a woman shows up late to the meeting, the door doesnt quite close, but my mom is already seated and takes no notice of it.
at some point in my playing i deside to try out a new action and see what its effect was. i pushed on the door, the front door.
my mom took no notice, in a heavy debate or a plesant conversation with someone about something
the door opend and i was free from my opression. i went and went, forward down the stairs, took a left and walked right on down to the main street of madison.
i was wearing my blue or red footies
at madison i take a left and just go a walking, not heading people nor cars, just adventuring this new unfimiliar place.
but sooner that i could understand my adventure was over. i ended up infron of the local foormart, or as we birdtown folk call it, brennans, right as a friend of my mother comes out.
"hello josh"
no responce
"where is your mother?"
looks around, shrug
"oh my gosh where is your mother?"
not realizing what was going on, just knowing she was getting upset i begin to tear up
"oh no oh no, well come with me"
the nice lady takes me back to my mom, and thus ended my frist adventure
my mom worries that the lady was gona call social services for neglect. but it didnt happen.

2004-04-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

today was an excelant day.

2004-04-03T21:09:00.000-08:00

but right now the world just seems to big

i will not judge any person only as a teen ager, you will cosntantly reminder self that some of my generation judges people by there race, there beliefe, or the color of their skin and this is no more right than saying all teenagers are drunken dop addicts or glue sniffers

man oh man, that chilli was good

man oh man that chinese was good

man oh man that chicken trukey ham and cheese snadwhich was good

man oh man those chips were good

man oh man that pizza was good

i had a fantastic day today, played some 4 square, and some b-ball, and some horse, but i was mildly distracted for that one. i saw almost famous, it was pretty good, then people came over we did the stuff above. then chilled at chelseas which was alot of fun, then went to jims get a massage and just ended my realy good day on a realy good note

2004-04-02T16:28:00.000-08:00

the sound of my sterios is so lound its hard to think, im loving it, drowning in music, but less painful.
so yea i guess i havent been able to do much right latly whether you (the reader) know it or not. ill get something right soon. i can feel it.
track was realy easy today, just block starts. im like in the top half of the team, it made me feel special.
music is beautiful, sing along
i like to add my own riff to the beauty, sometimes it worsens the song, some times it fits jsut right, it feels good to know i can sometimes help the flow when i try
im thinking that choir idea for next year was a bad move. who knows
tack is initiating people. i cant wait, im hopefully gonna give a good fight. your cool if ya give a good fight. and dont worrie they just duckt tape you to something if they over power you.

im in a goodly emotional mood

2004-04-02T16:12:00.000-08:00

its friday woot woot kinda, i was zoned out all of school, and everyone is like, hey im gona do somthing fun a productive like see a play or go to a concert or something silly like that. i hope everyone enjoyes themselfs. im busting a grove to the songs of my computer. its mildly fun

2004-04-01T18:03:00.000-08:00

ive been in a jerk mode latlye, the goal is to turn it off, i shall be limiting my talking to a minimal. so yea

lifes been treating me well but ive been confizled and such and such.

2004-03-31T16:26:00.000-08:00

so today was pretty good. i had fruit salad for lunch and was the biggest jerk i have been in a wile in lunch today. it was pretty bad, i was totaly getting the dl on how hot justine is, FROM JUSTINE lol. i was totaly embarasing chris i think, sorry if i did man. that fruit salad was tasty though. then dessert. so i rode my bike on out to saint joes, chelsea was there to sing for C's song. she was mildly upset about something or other, but i guess that 5 minets spent waiting in the halways of joes for her ride home was not the time or place to discuss it, or something. umm today was a realy good day, the fog was fun, and bikeriding hardcore is cool. the goal is to not stop peddaling anything elss than realy hard. but thats really... well... hard. so ill work on it.

im in a realy good mood

2004-03-31T16:14:00.000-08:00

id like to give my love out to jordan, thank you for poating a real comment, havent seen one in a while.

so i thought of one rebuttle to to the statment on being number 2. i read somewhere the only way to avoifd evil to to enjoy someone elses creation as if it were your own, like if someone paints the most beutiful paitning ever, you should be jelous that you cant do the same, but rather you should be happy that it was done, that some one made such a beautiful, that it even exist. and likewise if you were to invent the most amazing contraption ever you should be happy that you made it, you shouldnt gloat or anyhting, you should be happy that it was made, that it now exists, just as happy as you would be if someone els made it. you should be happy for those better than you, because someone is that good.

a thought for ya

2004-03-30T18:58:00.000-08:00

hmm i am undecided on my opionions of my below statments. maybe i can argue myself into a sharper point

2004-03-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

is it good to settle for number 2? how about number 2000? are we realy expected to try and be number one. and are those who expect to be number one just setting themself up for a horrible let down? only one can be number one, so the prediciment is do we try and be number one to fail horrible or do we accept there is someone better out there. and once you accept there is someone better out there how can you live with yourself? how can one be happy thinking "there are thousands better than me at what i do" the only way is to think that some how your still important, important to all the other nobodys who arnt number one either. people who suck at what they do get together and suck together, fantastic i guess. i am only number 40000 in the sales industry, so i can realy only aford the number 40000 guy in the plumbing industry to fix my pipes i bought from a second rate coumpany.

there is no happy resolution to that one that i can think of. argue me please, tell me why thats silly

what can we control in this world? as humans we attempt to control everything, but a dam will eventualy always give to the river, machines will malfunction and animals will spaz, things will explode and people will kick you when your down, things will fly or fail to fly, things will crash with you in them, people will swerve into your lane, a resturaunt will give you candy, some one is might jsut smile at you. some one you dont like might try and give you a hug, and some one you realy like might just hate you right now, and there isnt realy a damn thing we can control in anyof that, with the exception of ourself, we can smile, we can say "this sint so bad" and can also day "this sucks" we can shrug of people we love, and hurt those we love, we can embrace our enamies, and we can look both ways befor we cross the street, we can make brownies for our friends. now sure the stove might explode or the power might go out, and we cant control it, but we can look at our ruin brownies and think "shit this sucks" or think "sweet we can go out and see the stars" the stovce could burn down the house and we could think "shit this sucks" or we can wonder about whats next, or what ever we want, we can see and react to things however we choose, we people of right mind, can take an optimistic outlook on things, or a realistic one, or a pesimistic one, i say mix 2 of em up, take an optimistic realisitc outlook, see the world for what it is accept somthings things are outa your control somethings wont go right, something will hurt, and people we love wont always get what they deserver, and people we hate wont always get there just desserts, but enjoy the ride, embrace yourself, embrace everymoment you can. you can be your own minds master if you try.

at least the the way i see it

2004-03-28T20:08:00.000-08:00

take a breath and pull the air in 'til there's nothing left
I'm feeling green like teenage lovers between the sheets

Ba ba ba ba ...

Knuckles clenched to white as the landing gear retract for flight
My head's a balloon inflating with the altitude

Ba ba ba ba...

I watch the patchwork farms' slow fade into the ocean's arms
And from here they can't see me stare
The stale taste of recycled air
I watch the patchwork farms' slow fade into the ocean's arms
Calm down, release your cares
The stale taste of recycled air
- the postal service

2004-03-28T20:06:00.000-08:00

Last week i had the strangest dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where there never any mystery on who shot john f kennedy
It was just a man with something to prove
Slightly bored and severely confused
He steadied his rifle with his target in the center
And became famous on that day in november

Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in

And then last night i had that strange dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed
Where concerns about the world getting warmer
The people thought they were just being rewarded
For treating others as they like to be treated
For obeying stop signs and curing diseases
For mailing letters with the address of the sender
Now we can swim any day in november

Dont wake me i plan on sleeping
(now we can swim any day in november)
Dont wake me i plan on sleeping in

- sleeping in, the postal service

2004-03-28T16:36:00.000-08:00

today was awsome oh wow oh wow. i wake up at jims, more rested than ever, sorry jimmy for being tired and sucking at d&d hard core, but so yea i wake up, feeling realy good, i had a waffel! oh man oh man what a way to start the day, a real waffel! woot. then i jsut sat around jim and had wonderful casual conversation with tim and jim. then it was off to home, where i dled some musci illegaly, and what not, then it was off the the adventure of the year so far. bikeriding time, i head on down to jordans, it soooooooo nice, but it getts colder and colder as i aproch the lake, silly lake. i pick up jordan, his granny is all senile and discusses how no one pets mr. blue, there cat, but she does, and mr blue realy likes to be pet... alot, and how she calles him Mr. and trhe rest of the family calls him Blue. it amused me, so then it was off to ana's, we were gona go pick up ana, then chris and ian and chelsea and jaimie and it would have been cool, but on our way to ana's right befor we aproch her street we, jordan and i, see ana ian and chris in ian's car, silly bastards in a car, so we talk, and decide were gona meet them at the park, they gotta get jaimie, then we head to the park, me and jordan scope out the battle feild looking frizbee field, clet trach every where, i thought i could still see a slide mark from one of josh L's epic dives. it was awsome

break in text

then we waited ontop of the wall, and rested and looked at the sky, it was utterly peaceful and wonderful

ghetto fantabulous, it when you are gay and ghetto

so i see a jet pass over head and its leaving 2 smoke trails, well to me it looked like the biggest unziping of the sky pants ever. it amussed myself and jordan

then we stood around in the park and no one realy did anything, i rode on the hood of ian car, but he took a sharp turn at decent speet, ti was terrifying, luckily im a ninja, or that might have hurt considering it was over gravel.

then we all did nothing in the park, kinda a downside to the day, then it was off to ride jordan home cuz everyone was headed home, then on thw way there we crossed charlie, i didnt have to be home so i took up my adventuring with charlie and we rode to kennies and every which where, we then went to cleveland and rode over a big bridge and rode into a park, the lead us to a factorie and behind the factorie there was a landscape of terrivying bent metals and seemingly tourturus things

but at a further glance there was mountais of boxes and crates behind the field of waste, and we took apon outselfs to scale these mountains, and i even scaled a building, thing i havent done since my chillen with ian days, chalrie tried but didnt. and then we rode our butts on home. the air was amazing, it smelled good, then like camp fire, then just good again, the skyline was amazing with its bright orangeness, and the ligning of the lamp post and telephone poles, and the lakewood building trying to stand tall against the huge skyline. it was jsut so pretty. then me and charlie rode to chelseas and made her a get well soon card, it was awsome. i hope she likes it.

2004-03-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

today was a great day. school was average, no lunch because of h-project, but then it was off to playpractice, oh and vikings are pimps, so play practice was bleh as usual, but afterward i was chilling with sophi and george and whodoyathunk came down to party, chelsea. then she invited me to see the St joes talent show, it was HILARIOUS. chelsea and angie and that groups did some brady bunch action, it was highlarious. then there was this sunny and cher thing, they won, and were great, chelsea and them got third, and the ed's boys, "trash talkers" who played on trash cans got second. it was pretty nifty. chelsea bought me pop tarts cuz i hadnt eaten in 23 or more hours, but i ate them realy fast and came home and ate, now i feel ill, but what eva. today was tasty. george and sophie are cute as all get out

things to cheer out obnoxiously at those kinds of things

woot woot!
whoodiwhooo
this is a test of the emergancy broadcasting system *proceed to say wooooo realy loud* this was only a test
Ge wilikers guys you were fantastic
snake hips
you have oficaily rocked my socks of
*say nothing but stand up and make an "O" with your hands* use this sparingly, the silent standing O is one of the highest respects to a preformance
dankadank
word up
staight up
you have officaly rocked my mom
that rocked so hard it hurt
fantabulous

the list can go on, i will settle there

dancing hearty acuantinces is dificult

the postal service is a good band

nothing to think baout for you lovly readers

2004-03-24T18:01:00.000-08:00

as a 1337 h4x0r might say "w00t." yes leet haxor, woot, woot indeed

2004-03-24T15:25:00.000-08:00

LOL

You are 42% GAY!

That's gayer than average for someone of your gender and supposed orientation. The typical straight guy is only 39% gay!
Here's how you compare:

Thespark.com is where i took this test

2004-03-24T14:42:00.000-08:00

ok im done, this emotional blog crap is anoying to myself, so im sure it is to you

lets discuss shall we

today ana brought up an interesting fact to the idea of original though. well the fact basicly proved you cant have original thought. all our thoughts are our own maybe true, but there just spinoffs of what we already know, all things besides nature are just things inspired by other things, nothing is completly original, with the exception or creation itself, no thought or invention did not use something already around to jump start itself. now another question arises, is this a problem? is it sad to think we cant be orignal completly, i think not, im still quite content with the ability to warp and change something, use something as inspuration to make something at least partly new. and jordan brought up a good point, that no, inventions and material creations probly cant not be based on sumthing, but pure thought, in itself is original to every person. also i find it quite reasuring to think that maybe a thought can not be holy original, but the situation can never be the same, our conversation between me and ana may have happend with several people in several situations, but never have ana and josh, walking down the second floor hall to ana's 5th period mathclass at lakewood high with ana slightly to right i believe carring her green folder wareing her bluish purse, wile i wore my new shorts and black carpender shit. that situation, has never happend before, it was at least, in the smallest aspect, somewhat original. personaly that is good enough for my mind, but thats me

id like to apologize for my pitty mongering

so yea peace out everyone

2004-03-24T14:24:00.000-08:00

typing in caps feels good, its like venting digitaly

2004-03-24T14:22:00.000-08:00

ok so waht the shit, Mrs C calls everyone that needs to be in act one and says hey were dfoing act one, but doesnt tell anyone in act 2 that were doing act one, so fuck this!!!!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i made kenny promis me a ride, then i got all pissed at him for foretting, then i walk home, get a ride out to st joes from my dad, im already in a pissy mood, i see chelsea, she was a pleasant break from my stress induced crappy mood, then i get into the play, after stressing out about a ride, and flipping out at kenny, and skiping track to be ther, to fin out, thats fucking right, i dont need to be there at all GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH fuckers!!! so then i try and help out in act one but i relize oh yea i have sooo much fucking homework, so i call my dad, which i feel bad about cuz he already droped me off, and he is dealing with his entire family on my grandma situation, so hes realy busy, and takes like an hour to pick me up, no fault of his own, just sucks, soi didnt get home till now, 2 FUCKING HOURS almost completly waitsted, track, or homework would have been so much cooler fuck it

off to homewrok land maybe, no im hungry, but soon

2004-03-23T18:21:00.000-08:00

im sorry, im in a bad mood

2004-03-23T18:19:00.000-08:00

i feel special.... or sumthin...

GAHH MRS CUPCHIK!!!! are you dumb, the debate starts...

mrs C: there is this extreamly racist part in the play that could easly be alterd by taking out the sterio typical black name "mista bones" and loosing the accent, but im not sure if i should take it out because were doing a historical play, not a comedy or anything!

Me: why dont we loose the accent

Mrs C: ok

Some one :should i still say mista bones?

Mrs C: yea because i dont think there is anything obviously racist about it, and i dont relize that things that draw the attention away from the humor of a comedy ultimetly hinder the play and the effect it has on some one.

idiots

its scary when your mom asks you to go to grandmas apartment to help her find grandmas living will

2004-03-21T19:47:00.000-08:00

JTdbth25: who would win in a fight
JTdbth25: ninja or a pirtae
TheMaminJaminist: depends
TheMaminJaminist: if he was on his ship
TheMaminJaminist: the pirate
TheMaminJaminist: but anywhere els, for the most part, ninja
JTdbth25: well we gotta consider the factors
JTdbth25: ninjas have the training goin down
JTdbth25: were theyre ready for any situation
TheMaminJaminist: but a pirate knows his ship batter than anyone could hope to
JTdbth25: yeah
JTdbth25: but just in general
JTdbth25: not even on the ship
TheMaminJaminist: and you have to remeber ninjas dicinigrate if they go into water against there will
JTdbth25: lol
JTdbth25: I did not know that
TheMaminJaminist: oh yea
TheMaminJaminist: they can run on water no prob
TheMaminJaminist: but if they are thrown in and dont fly soon enough
TheMaminJaminist: bam
TheMaminJaminist: its there only true weakness
JTdbth25: ha
JTdbth25: I dont konw
JTdbth25: their sence of fasion isnt too reliable
JTdbth25: I mean
JTdbth25: sure the black is reliable
JTdbth25: sneakin up on someone
JTdbth25: and the whole no identitly thing is cool for a battle field circumstance
JTdbth25: but really
JTdbth25: they have no identity
JTdbth25: their just sort of interchangable
JTdbth25: onone ninja is pretty sweet
JTdbth25: but once you got a bunch of them
JTdbth25: their just boring
JTdbth25: a dima dozen
TheMaminJaminist: aha not so
TheMaminJaminist: there are little variables that make a world of difference to the trained eye
TheMaminJaminist: where pirates are gaudy in the aperance and attemp to stan dout
TheMaminJaminist: ninja difference lie in simple things
TheMaminJaminist: such as the curvature of there sword, or there personal finishing move
TheMaminJaminist: all ninjas have uncanny speed
TheMaminJaminist: but some have REALY uncanny speed
TheMaminJaminist: where other have uncannt speed and uncanny strengh
TheMaminJaminist: often there eys can signify diffences to
TheMaminJaminist: such as some have fire blazing in there eyes
TheMaminJaminist: but some unique ones that were struck by lighting as they were bork have lightning iutself pulsing through the depth of there souls, and it cna been seen in their eyes
TheMaminJaminist: and some have ice eyes to, always fun
JTdbth25: hmm
TheMaminJaminist: born*
JTdbth25: I think pirates are very defined by their dress
TheMaminJaminist: oh very
JTdbth25: I mean there is the sophisticated dandy
JTdbth25: or the grunt
JTdbth25: but really
JTdbth25: I mean a captrain with a peg leg a hook and a glass eye
JTdbth25: aside from a million kick ass stories
JTdbth25: this guy obviously has kicked some ass in his day
TheMaminJaminist: oh yes
TheMaminJaminist: a pirrate captain is an amazing thing
TheMaminJaminist: keeping entire ships of pirates at bay with but a gaze
JTdbth25: and seriouisly
JTdbth25: what if he had a pirate
JTdbth25: parrot*
TheMaminJaminist: always a bonus
TheMaminJaminist: pirates and ninjas alike have their bonuses
JTdbth25: yeah
TheMaminJaminist: i believe place is the diturmaning factor
TheMaminJaminist: truly
JTdbth25: yeah
JTdbth25: what about guns though?
TheMaminJaminist: inlade japan or china, pirates have no chance
JTdbth25: yeah
TheMaminJaminist: docks or out in see
TheMaminJaminist: ninjas are screwd
TheMaminJaminist: guns
TheMaminJaminist: guns are fair game
TheMaminJaminist: many ninjas train to block/dodge bullets
JTdbth25: cuz piarates have the sword goin for them too most of the time
TheMaminJaminist: right
TheMaminJaminist: ninja have stars though
TheMaminJaminist: so projectiles are ok
TheMaminJaminist: oh that reminds me of another difference
TheMaminJaminist: the weapon of a ninja
TheMaminJaminist: some have stars, some have throwing dagger, some have swords, or numb-chucks or the 3 point thinkies
TheMaminJaminist: where pirates have a gun and a sword, a reliable combo yes, but i think weaponry is where a ninja can shine
TheMaminJaminist: but it is because they are different but balanced that the battle rages on

2004-03-19T17:24:00.000-08:00

my grandma almost died, i feel like an ass cuz the fact that my grandma almost died doesnt faze me, like at all, woohoo me and my loving careing side

2004-03-19T16:37:00.000-08:00

your asshole.

What swear word are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-03-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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2004-03-17T15:12:00.000-08:00

an essay/investmant proposal for you lovly folks out there

Today, whom ever this concerns, I shall discuss the pros of a new source of energy. It is helpful to the environment, and is extremely efficient. The only down side is the amount of space in may require, but with technology today we can build upwards rather than outwards solving this problem. I would like to propose the use of hamsters as the new dominant source of energy
First of we must understand the abundance of hamsters. On average a female hamster will have 9-12 babies every time it gives birth, it will give birth more than 3 times in a lifetime, and can still run wile pregnant, we will get to the importance of running later. Now at 9-12 babies 3 or more time were looking at 27-36 babies per female hamster, assuming half the babies are female the ease at which we can get hamsters becomes quite prevalent.
Now it must come under question as to what hamsters are good for. They are cute and loveable, but that about where they stop, they consume people time and money and can have harsh effects in the wild. In there abundance birds can become lazy, needing only hunt these slow silly creatures for food, and because of this the other smarter stronger rodents will run rampant destroying forests, wooded homes, and overtaking sewers at will. Making electrical maintenance of big cities exceedingly difficult. Therefore we can conclude hamsters usefulness does not quite balance with their burden.
What can we do about this horrible situation you may ask. Well the obvious solution is to harness this seemingly useless entity. Put the hamsters to work, running in wheels. Through careful breading, and without the aid of controversial genetic splicing our scientist believe a veritable super hamster can be made. Just as stupid, but twice as endurant. If we merle set the hamsters to running in a wheel that turns a generator we will have a new viable source of energy.
Now cost may be a concern, but fret not, with the current economy desperate people will work anywhere and do anything with in reason. A trained group of 12 could easily manage, if the room is designed correctly, 3000+ hamsters. And 12 people at 6 dollars an hour for 168 hours a week, I say 168 because we would need shifts to work nights, as to keep everything working for our customers at any given hour, would cost a grand total of 52,416 dollars a year. Less than 3/4ths the starting pay of one well trained electrical engineer. The hamsters them self would be free, breeding and reproducing during there break periods. The hamsters them self need minimal accommodation, if bought in bulk 10 hamsters can eat for a week at the cost of 27 cents per hamster, coming to a total of 42,120 dollars a year for all 3000 hamsters. Heating now becomes a mute point because we can heat the building by burning the hamster that die of exhaustion. There would be one storage level for all the hamsters, accommodations such as that would come to a million dollars, but it would be a one-time investment. As would the initial creation of the building with we predict to be in the range of 5-7 million dollars. Now with the assumption we have 27 rooms in our building and 12 workers per room with each room containing 3000 hamster it would bring the final count to a first year investment of 7-9.5 million and a mere 2.5 million a year after that. Now to the wary investor this may seem like a risky and pricey investment, but with just 500,00 people in our electric grid and a minimal charge of 39 dollars a month this idea would see a yearly income of over 19 million. I assure you, whom ever it concerns, this is a worthy investment

2004-03-17T14:33:00.000-08:00

what i wanna se in a movie

the scene to bros insulting each othere

B1:... YOUR MOM!

B2: dude we have the same mom

B1: not seriously YOUR mom silly

B2: wha?

B1: i was insulting "your mom" not actualy your phisical mother, the idea of a mom joke is not to insult ones mother but rather insult more of the person. saying "your fat" is insulting but you can shrug it off but saying "your mom is fat" is way worse, and its not because im insulting your, well our mom, because you know id ont think that, and the insult has no basis, but you do know that i am trying to insult more than you, im trying to cut deeper than just insulting you, and subconsiously you know this, and the fact that im trying to hurt you more, makes it hurt more.

B2: your a moron

B1: your MOM's a moron!

2004-03-17T14:28:00.000-08:00

well, why not?

1. Full name: Joshua M. Rothhaas

Have U Ever-------------------------

2. kissed someone? no
3. illegally drove a car? yep
4. fallen asleep in class? all the time
5. Been in the hospital-what for? yeahh - torn ligaments, broken nose, stiches when i was young, nutrition problem when i was young
6. asked out a loser? yea
7. been asked out by a loser? yea
8. liked a loser? Who? yeppers
9. kissed a person of the same sex? yes i have
10. flashed someone? yes
11. climbed out your window? no, its a 2 story drop with no grip, now i have climbed out side my sisters window as to climb all over my roof
12. given someone the finger? yesm
13. talked back to a teacher? oh yea
14. talked back to your parents? all the time, but only when im right

Friends------------------------------

15. Who is your best friend? jim
16. Who is the sweetest person? i like all my friends
17. Who is the cutest person? looks wise? personality wise? personality-ana cuz little girls quick to violent anger amuse me, looks wise, i dunno, most girls are cute, chelsea, jaimie, ana, cassy. yea there all cute
18. who is the nicest? jim maybe
19. who is the best to talk online with? i spite the internet, but if emails are included than jimmy
20. who's the most blonde? chelsea, or ana, because they are blonde
21. who's the weirdest (in a good way)? jordan or jim
22. who's the craziest? jim
23. who's the most trustworthy? umm, i tell very little that i dont want others to know, and all ym friends keep secret what i want them to.
24. who's the most rebellious? jim, at least in theory
25. who's the shiest? i know not
26. who's the best dancer? me and jimmy will dance your pants off
27. who's the smartest? Jim rowell
28. who's the most athletic? people say i am, probly jake
29. who's the funiest? jim is hilarious, ana amuses me to no end, charlie is funny
30. who's the most annoying? as of late im feeling like its me, but i blame it on a combo of wilthdraw and my slowy increqasing internet indulgance
Love Life Etc.-----------------------

31. Do you plan on having children? im pretty sure, 1 or 2 i dont like to plan that far
32. Do you want to get married? What age? not realy, and if i do not till a wile from later
33. What would you name your boy? Isaac
34. What would you name your girl? moon-unit, not realy but long live ZAPA!
35. Are you a virgin? you bet your pants i am
36. If so, do you plan on losing it anytime soon? nope, but plans change baby! but seriously though, no, sex is far off
37. Have you ever had oral sex? no
38. Have you been past base one? every one has a different idea on the bases, so i will not answer
39. Do you even know what the bases are? see above
40. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Who? nope
41. Do you have a crush? Who? i dunno.
42. Things you like in the opp. sex: a sence of adventure, telling me im wrong when i am, deep thinking, eyes, lips, smile
43. Which is more important, personality, or looks? personality

2004-03-16T12:15:00.000-08:00

i shall risk the spite and prosucution i may recieve from my peers to declare that today is a beautiful day!

even befor i found out school had been called i looked out my windo and saw a wonderfull little trickle of snow fall in front of my windo. and jsut minets ago i was dancing out side in my t-shirt and shorts. i love snow, i love weather, and wether, except rainy and cold, but besides that (im sure there others, dont get picky) i love weather. i think i may go frolic more. but later, i have to snowplow i dont know if i can or cant. but i should try soon

im listenen to an emo cd made for my by harrison, its pretty tasty. ohh that was extra tasty, sorry the song jsut got cooler.

so live has been pretty good. except satuday night i dunno what happend, but durring the day was a most wonderful day, i talked to everyone i could want to talk to, i hung out with all my dearest friends. people actualy played outside and waited like 2 hrs befor complaining they were cold instead of like 30minets. i had these awsome pankackes. and it was a beautiful day. good conversations left and right. it was a seriously wonderfull day. then that night, every one got all "i hate!" not anything in peticulare every one just had a hate vibe, or a sad vibe. and it was terribly contagious, i fought it off with some vitiman O-ptimism, but even that almost gave. then the end came finaly and i was taken home in a relitivly silent car. fun

so now i begin to slowly forget the bad times of the night and cherish the great times of the day. hooohaa!

i love outside, i udnerstand why somepeople hate tv, music, books. none of them can compair to nature. personaly i love music and books, mostly because i cant fulyl compriend nature and need breaks from its splender. but i love it, i love being outside more than anythign els. books may come from the imagination, but nature comes from gods imagination.
man i think im gona go frolic more

2004-03-10T17:29:00.000-08:00

the below post are rants in emails from me to jimmy, i have negleted my blog, because i have gotten all ym rants out in emails, but here are some for the world, its alot i know, but if you could kindly comment on any you deem worht of reading i would love it. and please not a "hey lookat me commetn" voice an opinion or sumthing

2004-03-10T17:28:00.000-08:00

i like loosing control. i like to spin out. slide on
ice, i like to spin underwanter till i forget which
ways is up, or be through around by waves. i like when
my skate moared stopes and i dont, its a chalange,
every time i loose control its a little chalagne to
gain it. and not to mentaion, its a good feeling when
somthing els is in control, like the water, it eases
the mind, one less desiction you have to make.

i wanna go on a road trip.

2004-03-10T17:27:00.000-08:00

i got this new magazine, Private colleges and
universities, im like cool this will help, but now its
just gives me more fucking options to consider and be
like, well thats nice to, fuck being indicisive. i
dont like being my indicisive self, i condradict
myself all the time because of it. im not just
indecicive about what i wanna do or where i wanna go
with friends, but my opions. but this couples with the
fact i like to argue as if i know im right, grr me, so
i will argue both sides of an argument as if i know im
right both ways with in the same fucking day. its
anoying to me, i imagine it is to others. anyway away
from this selfcrush rant

pizzas done, give me a sec...

aight im back, with some tasty pizza to boot! im
probly gona post alot this email in ym blog for fun.
and im lazy, hehe

2004-03-10T17:26:00.000-08:00

i wanted a cool tytle for my email, and its the first
word to come into my head so i shall discuss them.
bubbles i love em, they have to be a modle for
something, the human race maybe. the move seemingly
randomly from air pocket to air pocked, avoiding your
distructive hand as if with amind of its own. but like
humans, you can predicts its death, all bubbles go
through the same color change and pop around the same
time. some last longer than others, but if its natural
you can see it comming, i guess there like humans
and if some ones gona pop it, its disapointing, just like a mureder. imagine it, the swipe of your hand through an array pf buggles is a nuclear bonb destroying them, cutting there already to short existance donw to a mean half of hwat it might have been

and bubbles that dont quite make, odnt quite get blown, death a birth, and the big bubbles, the leaders, the poeple love and hold so dear, when they finaly pop, its like you were shot yourself. like if a person you love, the biggest person you love, is suddenly gone, like a bubble hitting the ground.

=)